Post by Sensation/Monk on Jul 30, 2007 6:48:50 GMT -5
*Cars whiz by as Kevin Sensation stands on a sidewalk in the business sector of town. He had planned on flying home after the Ultimate Title match to celebrate his victory and relax. Now plans have changed. Now, Kevin looks across the street staring at the local police department, video tape in hand. He waits for the "Go" light to blink on the 2 lane road. Then he makes his move.*
Kevin: Hello there, fans of the GWC...Fans of Kevin Sensation. I am here today in Greenville, South Carolina, home of the Greenville Drive baseball team. Just a little that way (Sensation points behind him) is the Bi-Lo Center where maybe one day, Kevin Sensation will beat the hell out of some unlucky opponent. And even further that way is the downtown district...Where earlier today, I tore apart a delicious chicken wrap at Senor Wraps. None of that matters right now, what matters...is this (Kevin holds the tape in front of the camera). This, and what they (points straight ahead at the police department) plan on doing about it.
*We skip ahead a few minutes to Kevin Sensation at the front desk of the police department. A woman sits behind the desk and welcomes him in.*
Woman: Good morning, can I help you?
Kevin: Why yes, (glares at the name badge on her uniform before unexpectedly slamming the tape on the desk) Officer Presley, you can.
Presley: What is this, sir?
Kevin: What is this? WHAT IS THIS!? This, Officer, is video footage of a terrorist attack on your's truly.
Presley: A terrorist attack?
Kevin: Do they not run hearing tests at the academy? Yes a terrorist attack. Get me to a VCR and I'll show you.
*Video skips a few more minutes and we come to Kevin standing with 2 other officers, one in a suit. They are all watching the video from Kevin Sensation's Ultimate Title bout and the scene where Kevin is attacked by Bobby Cairo has just taken place. Kevin jumps and points at the screen.*
Kevin: See! See that!? Terrorist!
Officer 1: See what?
Kevin: Vision's gone in this department too? Jesus. That man is Bobby Cairo...Cairo...CAIRO...As in Egypt. You guys following me? (Kevin leaves no time for a response) This man, while he may or may not be of foreign descent has chosen to FIRST go by a name that is COMPLETELY unpatriotic and SECOND attack a good old-fashioned American hero. Not only attack an American hero, but attack him in a foreign country, away from the laws of this great land, but still visible to all the Americans here. (Kevin wipes an imagined tear from his face and begins to talk as if he's about to cry) Officers, not only was I attacked, that's the least of this tragedy...America's morale was attacked. Yes, sir. And I happen to know more attacks will probably follow.
Officer 1: Sir, we really can't help...
Kevin: This man is trying to make a name for himself. Apparently he was once revered amongst other terrorists but he has fallen out their good graces. He plans on getting back in with them by attacking me, an American hero. Now that he's attacked me, what's next? America, that's what! Right now he's heading for Hong Kong and I'm supposed to meet him there. What you need to do is get in touch with the FBI, the CIA, the President, and stop this homeless, mad Egyptian/Mexican terrorist! He can probably lead us to Osama!
Officer 2: Homeless? Mexican? Osama? What?
Kevin: Jesus H. Christ, have you not been listening!?
Officer 2: You didn't mention tha...
Kevin: Nevermind! Just, nevermind! (Now addressing the camera) Since our "crack" team of officials here don't seem to have basic comprehension skills, I'll save us! Tomorrow night, I, Kevin Sensation, will defeat the international terrorist, Bobby Cairo!
*Scene skips a few more minutes ahead to Kevin walking back down the sidewalk, talking on his cell phone.*
Kevin: Mom, I don't think they bought it. Yeah, my back's feeling fine. I told you that. (listening) No, not macadamia...No-bake. No-bake cookies. (listening) *quietyly* I love you too.
*FIN*
Kevin: Hello there, fans of the GWC...Fans of Kevin Sensation. I am here today in Greenville, South Carolina, home of the Greenville Drive baseball team. Just a little that way (Sensation points behind him) is the Bi-Lo Center where maybe one day, Kevin Sensation will beat the hell out of some unlucky opponent. And even further that way is the downtown district...Where earlier today, I tore apart a delicious chicken wrap at Senor Wraps. None of that matters right now, what matters...is this (Kevin holds the tape in front of the camera). This, and what they (points straight ahead at the police department) plan on doing about it.
*We skip ahead a few minutes to Kevin Sensation at the front desk of the police department. A woman sits behind the desk and welcomes him in.*
Woman: Good morning, can I help you?
Kevin: Why yes, (glares at the name badge on her uniform before unexpectedly slamming the tape on the desk) Officer Presley, you can.
Presley: What is this, sir?
Kevin: What is this? WHAT IS THIS!? This, Officer, is video footage of a terrorist attack on your's truly.
Presley: A terrorist attack?
Kevin: Do they not run hearing tests at the academy? Yes a terrorist attack. Get me to a VCR and I'll show you.
*Video skips a few more minutes and we come to Kevin standing with 2 other officers, one in a suit. They are all watching the video from Kevin Sensation's Ultimate Title bout and the scene where Kevin is attacked by Bobby Cairo has just taken place. Kevin jumps and points at the screen.*
Kevin: See! See that!? Terrorist!
Officer 1: See what?
Kevin: Vision's gone in this department too? Jesus. That man is Bobby Cairo...Cairo...CAIRO...As in Egypt. You guys following me? (Kevin leaves no time for a response) This man, while he may or may not be of foreign descent has chosen to FIRST go by a name that is COMPLETELY unpatriotic and SECOND attack a good old-fashioned American hero. Not only attack an American hero, but attack him in a foreign country, away from the laws of this great land, but still visible to all the Americans here. (Kevin wipes an imagined tear from his face and begins to talk as if he's about to cry) Officers, not only was I attacked, that's the least of this tragedy...America's morale was attacked. Yes, sir. And I happen to know more attacks will probably follow.
Officer 1: Sir, we really can't help...
Kevin: This man is trying to make a name for himself. Apparently he was once revered amongst other terrorists but he has fallen out their good graces. He plans on getting back in with them by attacking me, an American hero. Now that he's attacked me, what's next? America, that's what! Right now he's heading for Hong Kong and I'm supposed to meet him there. What you need to do is get in touch with the FBI, the CIA, the President, and stop this homeless, mad Egyptian/Mexican terrorist! He can probably lead us to Osama!
Officer 2: Homeless? Mexican? Osama? What?
Kevin: Jesus H. Christ, have you not been listening!?
Officer 2: You didn't mention tha...
Kevin: Nevermind! Just, nevermind! (Now addressing the camera) Since our "crack" team of officials here don't seem to have basic comprehension skills, I'll save us! Tomorrow night, I, Kevin Sensation, will defeat the international terrorist, Bobby Cairo!
*Scene skips a few more minutes ahead to Kevin walking back down the sidewalk, talking on his cell phone.*
Kevin: Mom, I don't think they bought it. Yeah, my back's feeling fine. I told you that. (listening) No, not macadamia...No-bake. No-bake cookies. (listening) *quietyly* I love you too.
*FIN*
